


Bitter Sweet

by LadyDarkPhoenix (Phoenixfire), Somiko_Raven



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Father-Daughter Relationship, Flashbacks, Gen, Mention of torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 13:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11186493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phoenixfire/pseuds/LadyDarkPhoenix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Somiko_Raven/pseuds/Somiko_Raven
Summary: Bucky comes home from the war, finds out he has a daughter he never knew existed and now he must cope with life after the war while taking care of her.Alternate timeline where Bucky's rescued after falling from the train, but Steve was never told and goes into the ice anyway.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

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> Artwork by: Somiko_Raven

_Cold, unrelenting cold was all he could feel. Bucky tried to make his body move, but nothing happened. He tried to remember what had happened, but couldn't think, couldn't remember. Darkness was dancing at the edge of his vision, sleep pulling him into its embrace. He allowed it to take him, hoping that if this was the end, it would let him go without much more struggle._

Bucky jerked awake in his bed at home, the war over for some time.

“Another nightmare,” the dark haired woman lying next to him snapped, clearly irritated at being woken up. Bucky looked down at his wife, wondering if she even wanted to be with him; she was always upset and yelling at him. Eva was so different from the girl he'd fooled around with before getting his orders. Back then she'd been so sweet and carefree. Now, it was almost as if the sight of him fanned a flame of hate inside her. If it wasn't for his daughter, he would have left the woman years ago. 

Their marriage wasn't a happy one. He worked as much as he could at the factory job he'd found, spending time after work drinking with the boys, or taking Millie out to the park or museums to teach her about everything he could, sometimes accompanied by his sister, Becca, who adored her niece and didn't mind sharing what she knew with the fourth grader as well. The child seemed to share her father's love of learning on their excursions. Eva couldn't stand the boring old musty places, so she stayed home alone, or so Bucky thought. 

It was after one such excursion out to see the latest exhibit at the museum of art, because Bucky had been thinking of the friend he had lost in the war and featuring in his dreams of the torture that had been haunting his nights as his savior from the hellish doctor, he and Millie had returned home to a note on the table and an empty house.

“Millie, go play with your dolly,” he shooed her to her bedroom before he picked up the note and read:

 **Bucky,**

**I don't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to get married or have a baby, but my mother wouldn't let me get rid of it when I figured out what had happened and she went to talk to your aunt, trapping me into having it and waiting three tortuous years for you to get back to make an honest woman out of me and not make the brat a bastard. I'm still young and attractive. I found someone else that wants to take me to see the world. I've been seeing him while you're out with the brat doing whatever it is you do. I'm not coming back, you can have the kid, I don't want her. I don't want you. Don't look for me, I won’t go back.**

**Eva**

He sat at the table, staring at the note. She was gone, she left them for something better, she never wanted him or Millie. As hard as he worked, it hadn't been enough. Now Bucky was alone, alone with a little girl that was his responsibility. 

_“Ahh, Sergeant Barnes, so weak and helpless. You must be so relieved to have been chosen for this… special privilege.” Zola was leaning over him as he lay restrained and exposed on the operating table, needles entering his body. Bucky wasn't sure which was worse, the feeling in his chest from the pneumonia or the hundreds of needles stabbing into him as whatever was inside them burned its way through his body while he screamed._

“Daddy, daddy!? DADDY!!!!”

Bucky jerked, hearing a small voice calling for him in a panic, almost hitting the child shaking his arm as he came back to the present. The first thing he saw was his daughter's frightened face. “M-Millie…”

She had ducked down when she felt the jerk. “Daddy…” Her eyes were big, fear of the unknown clear on her young face.

“Millie.” He reached down to pull the dark haired girl into his lap, hugging her small body against him. “I'm sorry, darling. Are you alright? I didn't hurt you, did I?”

She shook her head, telling him, “No Daddy, I'm alright, but where's Mommy?”

Bucky held her tighter glancing at the clock and seeing a couple hours had passed. How was he going to tell his little girl that the woman she loved as her mommy wasn't coming back because she was forced into a situation that she never wanted in the first place? Eva never loved either of them, she had been just as trapped as they were; the only difference was, Bucky had grown to love her and the little girl they had brought into the world by accident. Millie was a child. She loved them both because they were her parents. She didn't know how cruel the world could be yet, and he didn’t want her to lose that innocence.

“Honey, let's go see your Auntie Becca. It's been awhile since we've seen her, right? Wouldn't a visit be nice?”

Millie’s face brightened. “We can go see Auntie Becca!? I like seeing her, she tells me stories about you as a boy and all the trouble you got into.” 

Groaning, he set his daughter down. “Of course she does. So I guess you agree that a visit is a good idea.” The girl nodded enthusiastically. “Alright, let's go then.” He got up, folding the note and slipping it into his pocket, before taking the little hand in his to walk the few blocks to where his older sister lived. He hoped she could help him figure out what he was going to do now that Eva had left and he was stuck raising his little girl on his own. 

Bucky took Millie down the stairs and outside, plastering a smile on his face for her sake as she chattered excitedly to him about the visit. He murmured responses as thoughts ran through his mind. How was he going to raise Millie on his own? Would he be able to teach her the things her mother would about being a proper lady? Was it fair to her to keep her with him or should he try to find her a home where she could be raised by people better than him? Would he be a good father or turn out like his own? They continued as they walked up to the door of his sister's home. He hoped Becca would provide answers for his dilemma because Bucky wasn't sure he could handle this on his own and his big sister's brand of no nonsense realism was exactly what he needed right now.


	2. Chapter 2

Rebecca opened the door with a smile on her face, seeing her baby brother and niece standing in front of her. “Bucky! What do I owe this pleasure?” She ushered the two inside, sitting them on the small couch in the living room before noticing the strained look on her brother's face.

“Becca, I need… Eva... “ Bucky started, glancing at Millie before he took the letter out of his pocket, handing it to her to read, not wanting to have his daughter find out what was going on before he had a plan in action.

Becca took the paper, taking in the words silently. “Millie, I just bought a new hat, would you be so kind as to take a look in my closet to see if you think it suits me?” she suggested, knowing the girl would spend time trying on all her things before returning to them. Millie went off with a squeal of delight. “I'm sorry Bucky, they did what they thought was right considering. You deserved a say in what happened, but with the war that wasn't an option.” She gathered him into a hug, feeling the unshed tears in the movement of his body.

“What do I do? I don't think I can raise her on my own. I don't know what to do with a girl, what if I do something wrong? How could she leave, I gave her everything she asked for and more, I cared for her. I…” he started to ramble, all the worries and doubts pouring out to his sister's sympathetic ear, ending with a request, “Becca, would you take her for me? You know what to do with a girl. She'd be better off not around me, I'm too unstable at the best of times and I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her.”

At this request, Becca put a hand up to stop him. “James Buchanan Barnes! I will not take your daughter from you. The poor girl just lost her mother, I refuse to let her lose her father as well.” Standing so he had to look up at her, she continued, “What will happen is you are going to take her home and love her like you know she deserves, I will help you by watching her when you are at work and when it comes time to discuss womanly things because I don't trust you to not mess that up. You will continue as you were, without that woman to cause you misery. If you left her on my doorstep, you'd regret it the rest of your days, not to mention the agony you'd cause Millie. How do you think she'd feel knowing her parents are still living but she's relegated to living with her aunt because she wasn't wanted?”

Bucky pulled back, her words acting like a slap to his face. It wasn't that he didn't want Millie with him, he just wanted the best for her and didn't trust himself to raise her right. “I… I don't know if I can do this. She deserves the world, I don't know if I can give her that.”

Sitting again, she took his hands. “You were always so strong, fighting the good fight. I know the war has changed you in ways you'll never tell me, but that little girl needs you to protect her, teach her how to be strong, not back down when things are tough and things are tough right now. But you're not alone, I'll help you as much as I can, I love you Bucky. You can do this, I know you can.”

Millie wandered back into the room. “You have such pretty things Auntie Becca, even Mommy doesn't have such nice things.” 

The adults tensed. “Tell her, she needs to know,” Becca whispered to Bucky, giving his hands a final squeeze of reassurance before letting go.

A tight band of fear in his chest, Bucky tried to calm his quickly beating heart. He didn't want to have to break his baby's heart like this, but Eva didn't leave him any choice. Her selfish act left him responsible for the pain this would cause his precious little girl and it wasn't fair. Her cowardice made him the bad guy in this because when Millie would think back it wouldn't be her mother she remembered with the pain, it would be him.

“Millie, honey, come here please.” His voice cracked as he tried to swallow the hard lump in his throat, trying to keep the tears firmly in place as he lifted her onto his lap.

“Daddy, what's wrong? You look sad,” she said, wrapping small arms around his neck in a hug.

Looking at Becca over his daughter's head, he slowly started shattering her world. “Baby… I love you very much, you know that right?”

“Of course, you're my daddy.”

He moved back to look at her sweet, innocent face. “Honey, sometimes people that love us very much… do things we don't understand. Do things that hurt us…” He didn't like the confusion he saw so he pressed on, “Millie, your mommy isn't going to be living with us anymore. From now on, it's just going to be you and me, darling.”

Millie started breathing heavily. “Y-you’re lying Daddy. Mommy loves me, she wouldn't…” 

“I'm sorry Millie…” The first tear finally fell as his daughter frantically yelled at him for being mean and lying to her. Becca could only sit and watch, unsure of what she could do to help ease their pain.

“Millie, darling, your daddy's not lying. She had to go, but you still have him. He's not leaving you, I'm not leaving you. We love you very much, you're ours always,” she finally spoke, wrapping both of the crying members of her family in her arms letting them feel their sadness. They calmed after a while and Becca had an idea. “Why doesn't Millie stay here tonight? I'll fix us all some dinner and have a bit of girl time after. There's no school tomorrow so you can get things situated to be removed without interruption.”

Bucky raised reddened eyes to look at her. “You'd really do that? If she wants to stay, she can.” He knew that he needed to move her stuff, and not having Millie there would help, but he wouldn't admit he didn't want this to be his first night alone in the house. He'd always had his girls there with him and wasn't sure how he'd be without them.

“C-can I D-daddy?” Millie asked quietly, not wanting to be home without her mother.

He slowly nodded. “If that's what you want to do.”

Becca stood. “Millie, why don't you help me get supper ready then? Buck, you find something good on the radio for us.”

The overly domestic feeling of what they were doing made his heart hurt. This was what life had been like when things were good, when he thought Eva had loved him and was happy being his wife and mother to Millie. Now his home was broken and there wasn't anything he could do to fix it aside from hunting Eva down, forcing her to come back into a life she hadn't wanted. No, he wouldn't do that, it would be worse for everyone. Bucky played with the radio dial mindlessly going over the stations until he settled on a music program before returning to the couch to wait for the girls to announce supper ready, his mind going over what went wrong to make her leave.


	3. Chapter 3

_“How are you feeling Sergeant Barnes?” Zola was leaning over him, a sick smile on his face. They had just used some electric shock device to scramble his brain, trying to get him to answer their questions, all Bucky would do is repeat his name, rank, and number like he was taught to withstand torture, retreating into himself so nothing could touch him. Before the shocks they had cut large pieces of his skin off to see what would happen. Because of whatever they'd injected him with, those had healed quicker than he figured they should, but not having the pain of open wounds was a relief._

Bucky didn't hear Millie call him to dinner, his mind wandering back to the war. “Auntie Becca, Daddy's being strange again.” 

Becca walked out of the kitchen to see her brother staring off into space, obviously not in the room with them. “Go sit down at the table, I'll get your daddy.” She gently nudged Millie back into the other room before walking over to him, making her moves obvious so if he was there, he'd know what she was doing.

“Bucky, Bucky? Are you alright?” She placed a hand on his arm. “Bucky, come back to me please.” He still didn't move, just continued to stare off into nothing. “Bucky, James please…” she pleaded, worried about what was happening. “Come back, please.”

Bucky fought between the faint voice of his sister and the feeling of the visions in his head, eventually returning to see Becca's panicked face. “I… sorry, that happens sometimes.” 

Becca wasn't sure what had just happened, but she knew something was wrong with her brother. Hopefully he could get over whatever it was; his daughter needed him and this was counter productive to that. “Supper’s ready. Come on.” Bucky got up and followed her into the kitchen, where Millie waited quietly at the table, still upset by the earlier news. 

Becca said grace before they started in on the simple meal they had prepared. They ate in silence until she remembered something she'd wanted to share with Bucky. “They're making a memorial for Steve to commemorate his sacrifice. It should be done before July, in case you wanted to visit. I know how close you two were.”

Bucky kept his head down, slowly eating his food, “Thank you, I'll keep that in mind.” Steve's death was still hard to think about. When he heard about how his best friend had sacrificed his life to save the world, after thinking Bucky had died in the fall from the train, he felt responsible for it. His inability to hold on caused the death of his best friend and a symbol of hope for the country.

Captain America had been what kept people believing that they could win, Steve was the reason he stayed and joined the Howling Commandos after everything that had happened to him when he was captured. He thought the little punk that couldn't keep out of trouble needed him around to help, in the end it was because Bucky had stayed that Steve had died.

“Daddy, who's Steve?” Millie asked, not having heard that name before. 

Looking at his daughter's suddenly interested face, Bucky sighed, “He was my best friend when I was a boy. We went to war together, he didn't come home.”

“He was almost like another brother honestly, he and your daddy were inseparable,” Becca added.

“Why are they making him a thing?” the young girl asked.

“Because he went and became Captain America. Steve was a true hero…” He had to swallow down his raw emotions as he thought back on his friend.

“You mean my daddy was Captain America's best friend! Could he be an angel? I bet he is and is watching over us!” Millie exclaimed, temporarily forgetting her recent upset.

Bucky cocked his head to the side as he looked at her. “You think? So if he's protecting us, will we be okay just you and I, darling?”

Millie scrunched her face up as she thought. “Well, I guess we could be. If Captain America's watching out for me from heaven then yes.”

Becca smiled softly, leave it to a child to come up with such thoughts. Millie never knew Steve, but knowing what she had been taught and hearing people talk about him, her little mind jumped to a conclusion that would help her through these hard times. That could be a blessing for the both of them, knowing that someone was watching out for them from above.

Bucky nodded as he mechanically finished his meal and helped clear the table. “Well darling, I think I'll leave you and your aunt to your girl time.” He made to leave as soon as he could, not wanting his daughter to see him this close to the edge of breaking down. Becca was right, he had to be strong for her, get his head right and give Millie a good life without Eva.

“Will you be alright?” Becca asked as he got ready to leave.

“Kind of wishing Peg hadn't moved to L.A. She was always one to know how to tackle the tough stuff,” he admitted, missing the woman. Her continuing work with the SSR had kept her in the city for a couple years. She had been a help when he had been struggling with being a father and husband right after the war, but she had to think of her career and so had taken a chance to go out to the west coast. Peggy had continued to do great work, he was proud of what she had accomplished for herself, but missed her tough guidance and friendship terribly, especially during hard times. She was what he wanted his girl to grow up to be, the kind of woman that went after what she wanted from life and wouldn't let anyone stand in her way.

“Why don't you write her then? See what she has to say?” Becca suggested as she kissed his cheek at the door. “I'll bring Millie around tomorrow night, give you some time to get yourself together before having to deal with her.”

Bucky nodded as Millie came up and hugged his waist. “Love you, Daddy, I'll be real good for Auntie Becca.” She hesitated before adding, “You will let me come home with you right, you won't leave me like Mommy did?”

Hearing her say that broke his heart; kneeling down, he looked his daughter in the eyes, the blue that matched his shone wetly with unshed tears. “Millie, I promise you're coming home to me. I won't leave you ever, you're my world and I will never abandon you. Your aunt just wants to spend some time with you, so have fun and don't worry about me, I'm not going anywhere without you.” He held her tightly to him, still unsure of what the future would hold, but Bucky knew now that he couldn't leave her. “Alright, I'll see you tomorrow darling, have fun, I love you, Millie.”

“Love you, Daddy…” 

He stood, leaving quickly before he could break down again. Now that he was alone he didn't know what he was going to do. Becca had suggested going home and packing anything Eva had left, but he wasn't sure he was up for that quite yet. There was one other option he could think of; maybe the boys were at the bar and he could try to get drunk enough to forget tonight. That seemed like the best idea since it would probably be the last time he'd be able to now that he found himself a single father. Bucky walked to his usual watering hole, knowing that since the war he hadn't been able to get drunk like he used to, but tonight he was going to give it his best shot.


	4. Chapter 4

When Becca brought Millie back the next day, the first thing they heard was a loud crash from behind the closed door. Becca frowned. “Stay here, I'll see what's going on,” she told her niece as she placed a hand on the door, finding it unlocked. The scene that met her was one of total destruction. The floor was a mess of broken dishes and torn cloth. Bucky was in his clothes from the night before, looking so angry as he took everything that reminded him of Eva and broke it. “Bucky?” she tried gently, not wanting him to turn that anger to her just because she was there, memories of their father flashing through her head at the sight.

He whirled around, face falling as he saw her. “Becca… I couldn't… everything… I…” Anger turned to pain as he came over and fell into her arms, taking comfort from his sister's presence.

“Shh, it's alright. Let's get this cleaned up; Millie’s outside wanting to get back to you. We had a talk, and she knows it's not your fault. Come on, where's your broom and dustpan. Go get her and sit, I'll clean this up.” 

Bucky instructed her as to where the items were before opening the door to see his daugher looking anxious. “Are you okay, daddy?”

“I'm fine, honey,” he lied, kneeling down and pulling her into a hug, feeling anything but fine, but he had to be strong for her now. Her small arms held him tight as the sound of glass being swept started. “Let's get inside.” He picked her up and carried her to the couch. 

Millie snuggled into him, she'd missed him the short time they'd be apart. She had fun with Aunt Becca but she needed her daddy to assure her that things would be alright. The two of them said nothing as Becca worked, just snuggling on the couch, taking comfort from each other's presence. This was the first day they were going to be spending without Eva. They were going to have to figure out how things were going to work from now on.

Life without Eva was hard going at first, both father and daughter angry at her for leaving, and unfortunately, the only ones around to take it out on were each other. There were many nights they went to bed after fighting over the simplest things like chores or cooking dinner, but they always seemed to work things out and still showed they loved each other in the end. 

Their trips to the museums and parks continued, Millie soaking up information like a sponge and always asking questions. The extra studying reflected in her grades, making more than a few of the boys jealous that a girl was outshining them in school, but she was young enough not to care and Bucky was proud of her. 

True to her word, Becca helped out as much as she could. Standing in as her mother at school functions and taking her shopping for special girl time, she made sure Millie never felt that she lacked a womanly figure in her life to turn to when she needed one. Even after Becca had started seeing a man steadily, she still made time for her niece.

Bucky was still plagued by nightmares, almost nightly in the beginning, and when things got too stressful, he'd be haunted by the past intruding on the present. Millie would try her best to help him through it, but she still worried about him while he was distant and having conversations with people that weren't there. She would watch over him to make sure he wouldn't hurt himself or anyone else and tried her best to bring him back to her as soon as he was able, not understanding why her daddy was like this, but knowing she had to deal with it because she loved him and didn't want to lose him. What they didn't notice was all the responsibly was causing her to grow up and act older than she was before her time.

The months flew by. Bucky had made sure Millie’s birthday was special, allowing her to have her friends over for a small party as well as buying her her first science kit for the house, which caused no end of trouble as there was an explosion or two from failed experiments and the house now smelled like chemicals, but the joy on her face as she performed her projects was worth the odor as long as Millie was happy. 

Christmas was celebrated by the three of them with special gifts given to all. Millie had been learning to sew from one of the older neighbor ladies that ran a mending business to help earn money to keep her science kit supplied and buy herself a few extras that her allowance wouldn't cover. Using the skills she'd learned, Millie had made a shirt for her father and a small bag for her aunt. Becca had bought Millie a real china doll and a new dress and for Bucky, a new clock radio. While Bucky had gotten Millie a new telescope so they could go stargazing during the warmer months and Becca he’d gotten a new television from the company store.

New Year's Eve found Millie and Bucky listening to the radio on the roof trying to see the stars with her telescope while waiting for midnight, Millie barely able to stay awake, but she enjoyed the time spent huddled under a thick blanket with her father as he shared his love of the sky with her as they welcomed in the new year.

Millie had surprised him by baking his birthday cake by herself, with supervision from Becca, when his birthday came around, celebrating after he got home from work. He'd come in to find his kitchen, sister, and daughter covered in flour but they all had a good laugh as they cleaned. Nobody had bought him a gift, but the effort the two had put into the small, chocolate cake made the day special.

It wasn't a perfect or easy life, but they managed. Day after day they learned more about each other. Millie learning a bit about her father and his time before and during the war, and Bucky indulging her love of science, even if he knew deep down that society wouldn't allow her to pursue it as a career, but it didn't stop him from secretly hoping Millie might be able to break that barrier. He could always ask Peggy if her organization needed a scientist if that's what his daughter wanted. The last visit from Peggy, his friend had been quite taken with his little girl and her love of science, so maybe Millie would have a future as something more than just a wife and mother.

Slowly the wounds from Eva's leaving began to heal as summer began to warm the world, but it also brought its own pain as July came creeping closer, a dark shadow accompanying it as the one day Bucky still dreaded came near.


	5. Chapter 5

As the weather warmed and the kids were out of school for the summer, Millie now spent hours exploring outside as she tried to figure out more how the world around her worked in between time spent helping their neighbor with the mending and spending time with her father and aunt. As July came near, she started asking her father about going to the fireworks. Bucky didn't want to explain why the display that brought so much joy to the kids brought him such pain, but he also didn't want to disappoint his daughter.

“Daddy, everyone else is going and Auntie Becca’s going with her new fellow, so why won't you take me?” Millie whined at him over dinner. “Besides, you promised to take me to see your friend’s monument too, can't we make a day of it and have fun?” 

Bucky wasn't sure how much fun he'd have considering the holiday was a hard time for him with it being Steve's birthday, and the memories it brought with it of other fireworks displays and the small, sickly, blond boy he made sure felt special and strong every year on the day. The fact that she wanted to visit the memorial--a reminder of what he was the reason for in the first place--made it that much harder. How could he explain to her that if he hadn't fallen and Steve hadn't thought he'd died then his best friend might have made it through the war and been there to celebrate with them as a cherished uncle instead of visiting a cold hard piece of stone in his memory?

“Millie, I…” he started to argue with her. She'd usually gone with Becca or Eva and left him home alone or at work to forget the day, but since Eva left and his sister had started seeing that Proctor fellow, she insisted Bucky be the one to take Millie this year.

“Please daddy! Please! I'll do all my chores and not fight about anything if we can go, please!” she begged, giving him the pout she'd perfected to get him to give in.

Closing his eyes, he sighed. Bucky knew that he hadn't made his little girl’s life easy, she had to take care of him during episodes too often for his liking and spent too much time alone when he worked late. Millie never asked for much really, could he give this to her? “Okay, we'll go. Just, maybe make sure you know where someone else is just in case I can't make it all the way through, alright?”

Millie gave a happy squeal as she threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. “Oh thank you, daddy, thank you. I'll ask around, okay? I'll make sure nothing happens, thank you, daddy, thank you!” 

He returned the hug, a sense of dread creeping into the pit of his stomach. This would be the first time he'd gone to the celebrations since he and Steve had left for the war. Bucky wasn't sure what would happen, he just hoped if he had an episode that it wouldn't be bad enough to warrant ruining what Millie wanted to be a special day with him. 

The rest of their meal, Millie went on about what fun they were going to have while Bucky stayed quiet and reserved, answering only when it was necessary until eventually she noticed him getting upset and quieted down, unsure of why a fun celebration would upset him so much. She didn't want to send him into one of his bad times where he stared into nothing and didn't notice she was there. It was something new to worry about, as if the young girl didn't have enough as it was.

When he put her to bed that night, Bucky kissed his daughter's cheek as he tucked her in. “I'm sorry about earlier. We'll have fun, pack a picnic and do whatever you want that day; sound good, sweetheart?”

Millie smiled sadly up at her father. “Okay, daddy. I want to have fun with you but if it's going to be too much we don't have to go. I don't want to make you sad.”

He heard the disappointment in her voice. “No darling, we can go. I promise we'll have a lot of fun and nothing will ruin our special day, alright?”

She reached up and wrapped her small arms around his neck. “Thank you, daddy. I love you!”

Bucky returned her hug before settling her down, pulling the covers up to her chin and kissing her forehead one more time. “I love you too, darling. Sleep tight and sweet dreams.”

Yawning, Millie returned quietly, “Sweet dreams, daddy.”

Turning out the light, Bucky left her bedroom with a sigh. He wanted to do this one thing for her, but it was probably going to be one of the hardest things he'd had to do since coming home. Even facing Eva on their wedding day and holding Millie for the first time hadn't scared him as much as this one celebration was. There was just so much that could go wrong, he didn't want to let her down by breaking down because of the old connections he had with the day. 

Making his way to his bedroom, Bucky got ready for bed, hoping everything would be alright and the worst thing that would happen is that he might cry a bit when they visited Steve's memorial. Hoping, as he lay down to sleep, that no other memories would intrude and spoil the day for his daughter.


	6. Chapter 6

The days flew by, Millie growing more excited as Bucky's dread deepened, the two of them talking with each other less and less. She would go on excited rants while he barely paid attention and made noises to show he heard. 

Bucky let her and Becca do the shopping and preparation for their picnic the day before while he tried to make himself calm down so he wouldn't ruin the day for Millie. His heart was already racing, his stomach twisted in knots. Bucky felt like he was going to die and he wasn't even to the actual day yet. Millie saw his distress, but when she asked was assured that it would be alright, so she continued to enjoy the work in anticipation for the big day.

Millie awoke early, excitement for the holiday keeping her in good spirits as she quietly moved about getting herself ready. She quickly washed up and carefully combed her hair before putting on her special red dress, wanting to look pretty for the day. She waited for a while before getting impatient, sneaking into Bucky's bedroom where he was sleeping fitfully. 

Millie frowned as she crept up to him. “Daddy? Daddy, wake up. Daddy…”

Bucky was mumbling something in his sleep as she gently put her hand on his arm, wanting him to wake up. He started thrashing around at the touch. “No, no, no! Stop, please no more!” 

Millie fell on the floor hard to escape the flailing limbs, twisting her wrist underneath her as she started to cry from the sudden pain. “Daddy!” she wailed as she held the hurt appendage to her chest.

Bucky's eyes shot open, his heart pounding as he took in the dark room, his body twisted in sheets, and the crying child on the floor. It took him a moment to realise he wasn't back in the war being tortured and his child needed him. Quickly, he freed himself from the fabric restraints, going to his knees next to his daughter. “Darling, I'm sorry, let me see. Where does it hurt?” 

Millie slowly held out her arm for him to take, tears still falling. “Wrist, daddy.” 

He gently held her hand and arm, slowly moving it to check for a break. “Let's get some ice on it, you should feel better soon.” Bucky scooped her up and carried her into the kitchen, setting her on a chair before retrieving the ice pack and filling it from the trays in the freezer. Placing the pack on her wrist, he stroked her head. “I'm so sorry, baby. What would you like special for breakfast? Anything you want, I'll make it.”

“Waffles?” she asked still sniffling, slowly calming down.

“Of course, darling.” He started getting out the ingredients for her food and putting his coffee on to percolate. Bucky was appalled that he had hurt Millie, especially since today was supposed to be a fun, happy day for her and it started with him already trying to ruin it, even if by accident. He looked over at her, seeing silent tears still falling from her eyes as she quietly wiped them away with her good hand, trying hard not to draw attention to herself. After pouring the first part of the batter into the waffle iron to cook, Bucky got a mug and plates out of the cupboard, swallowing around a lump in his throat as an idea came to him. If he was going to get through this day, he'd have to talk about Steve eventually, and now seemed like the perfect time to start.

Taking a deep breath, he poured his coffee before turning to Millie. “You know, I used to take care of Steve's injuries too. He got hurt a lot when we were kids.” 

She looked up at him with red eyes. “Y-you did?”

He nodded. “He didn't like bullies but wasn't big or strong enough to win the fights he picked, so after he lost bad enough, someone would come find me. I’d have to make them stop beating him up and take care of his injuries before taking him home to his ma.”

“You did that for Captain America?” she said in wonder, temporarily forgetting her hurt.

Checking on the cooking food, he tried to keep his emotions in check as he answered, “He wasn't always Captain America, for the longest time he was just a tiny, sick kid and my best friend.”

“Really?” she asked, with a touch of awe in her voice.

“Yeah and you know something else? Today's his birthday,” he said, turning back to cook before he could burn breakfast by getting caught up in the past.

“It is? Can we bring him a present then? We are going to visit him, it would be polite considering he's been watching over us. What would he have liked?”

Retrieving the finished waffle from the iron and pouring more batter in, Bucky told Millie all about the Steve he knew. How he loved art and going to movies. Standing up for what he believed in and doing the right thing, regardless of how hard he had to fight. The bouts of sickness when Bucky thought he'd lose him and didn't know what his life would be like without him. 

During breakfast, there were stories of the dates they went on where Steve always felt out of place, and of how hard his friend tried to get the chance to fight in the war because it was the right thing to do. Bucky had to skip over the details of how they met back up in the war, the wounds still too painful to confront, only saying that before his accident, they always made sure to take care of each other and the other men in their unit.

“Daddy, he sounds like he was a good person. I'm sorry that he's not around anymore,” Millie said as she finished eating and came around to hug him. “Can I make him a drawing?”

Hugging her back, he sniffled, “You can, I'll wash the dishes and get dressed. You go draw and then we'll get going. There's a lot you want to do today and we're going to be late. How's your wrist doing?”

Millie looked at him. “Doesn't hurt anymore, thank you, daddy.”

“For what, baby?”

“Telling me more about my angel. I want to make him proud of me,” she said before taking off to get her drawing supplies.

Bucky watched her go before starting to collect the dishes, feeling a little weight lift off his chest. This was one of the first times he'd talked about Steve and it felt good to share him with his daughter. Maybe today wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he could do this and be alright.


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky quickly finished his chore, peeking in on Millie happily scribbling away at the desk in her bedroom before he went into his bedroom to get his clothes together, choosing a brown suit and tie with a gray shirt. He took them with him to the bathroom, then began to shave and take a shower, letting the hot water soothe his nerves a bit more before facing the rest of the day. He still wasn't sure if he was ready to do this, but he was going to try his best. 

Taking his time, Bucky made sure he looked presentable, remembering flashes of friendly teasing at his vanity as he got ready. Steve loved to good naturedly complain about his old preoccupation with looking good as he hogged the mirror every day they lived together. He couldn't contain the smile as he could almost hear the blond’s wheezing whine in the back of his mind as he put cream in his hair and styled it. Finally feeling as ready as he was going to be, he went back to his bedroom to put on shoes and grab his jacket.

Looking himself over once more, Bucky went to Millie’s room. “Ready to go, my dear?”

The girl looked at him with a huge grin. “Yes, daddy. Want to see what I drew for your friend?” she asked, hiding the piece of paper behind her back.

Kneeling down, Bucky nodded. “Sure, darling, if you want to show me.” Millie approached to present her masterpiece. The picture showed a girl and a man standing on grass while waving with some kind of red, white, and blue winged man flying over them.

“It's our guardian angel watching us and we're waving hello,” she said shyly.

Bucky's heart melted a bit at the sweet, thoughtful nature of the picture and his daughter. “It's perfect, I'm sure he'd love it,” he assured her, handing it back. “Let's grab the picnic basket and get going, there's so much to do today.”

Millie bounced excitedly. “Yeah, I can't wait to give him my picture!”

Bucky felt a tug at his heart as she continued on excitedly explaining how she couldn't wait to see his memorial and tell him all about her life and her wonderful daddy. He took the basket in one hand and Millie’s hand in the other as they left their apartment and out into the sunny day.

They walked along, greeting neighbors and friends as they slowly made their way to the park where the memorial waited. There were plenty of families playing and picnicking all around when they arrived, but thankfully none were around their destination as they approached the dark granite stone, an image of Steve as Captain America carved into it, his birth and death dates under that with some quote he didn't bother reading . Bucky let go of Millie’s hand to set the basket down and remove his jacket, wanting to be somewhat comfortable doing this. His heart was racing again as he approached. Millie ran ahead, finding a rock to put on her present to make it stay. He could hear her talking but couldn't make out the words. He knelt down on one knee, the weight of the past pressing down on him as he saw Steve's name and image carved into unfeeling stone.

Bucky felt the hopelessness he had before Steve rescued him from Zola’s lab back in Azzano, the wrongness of what had happened to him there and the bits and pieces of the plans they had for his life. 

_“Sergeant Barnes,” Zola stated as he looked down at Bucky’s restrained and drugged form, “you will be one of my greatest experiments. A weapon beyond what anyone has expected, you will help defeat our enemies and change the world.”_

Millie saw him there, staring at the monument with unfocused eyes and worried he was going into one of his episodes again. She came over to him. “Daddy, tell me more about him.”

Bucky took her onto his knee. “Millie, he would have been your uncle. Probably would have spoiled you rotten too, just because you're mine. Steve would have loved you like his own and taught you everything he knows. Would have taught you how to fight and never give up, no matter how much the odds are against you. He would have been the best uncle you could have ever wanted, protected you as much as I do and loved you so much.” He sniffled as the loss of what could have been hit him while he spoke, caught between the weight of the past and the possibilities that circumstances had taken from him.

Millie stared at the stone intently, her father's words ringing in her head. “Well then, Uncle Steve, my guardian angel, I love you. I'm sad I never got to meet you, but I promise to come visit you often because I want you with me always.” Bucky held her close, focusing on her words as the old memories washed over him, this time not all of them bad. 

There were thoughts of a small, blond kid getting beat up, but not giving up until Bucky stepped in when it looked like the other boys were going to kill him, of the friendship that grew from that first meeting into a brotherhood that took them into war, of them helping each other after the deaths of their parents and trying to survive the depression together. He remembered the strength they had always seemed to give the other in hard times, the strength he needed now, that Millie seemed to be able to tap into from seeing the memorial.

“Thank you,” he whispered, not sure if he was talking to Steve or Millie for showing him what he needed to start healing from the past. 

They stayed a while longer, enjoying the peace that settled over them as the memory of Steve helped chase away the memories of Zola and HYDRA. Being there with her almost felt like Steve was still here in spirit as he saw the same quiet strength and determination in his daughter that he'd seen in his best friend. Bucky knew that no matter what life threw at her, Millie would use the stories of Steve he was sharing and be alright.


	8. Epilogue

**Present Day:**

Bucky sat in his recliner at Millie’s house, watching his granddaughter try to get his great-grandson to settle down so they could have dinner. He smiled at how far his family has come over the years.

True to her word, Peggy made Millie’s dreams of being a scientist come true by letting her work with her at the S.S.R. when she was old enough, even wrangling Millie an internship with Howard Stark, where she impressed him with her work so much that he tried to steal her for his company. However, she turned him down to focus on work for a greater good than just Howard's pocketbook. 

S.H.I.E.L.D. was where Millie had met the man who'd become her husband, and where they'd figured out why Bucky didn't seem to age as he should. Zola’s experiments had worked, to some degree, and his aging process was thought to be about half as fast as it should be, giving him a longer lifespan than most, which explained why now he looked more like her brother rather than her father.

Millie had continued her visits to Steve's memorial, sharing every important moment in her life with him, even taking her children to see him as infants so Steve could see them all. Her faith in his watchful eye never failed.

The knock on the door broke Bucky out of his thoughts as the little boy raced to open it. Chuckling, Bucky got up to see who it was before the tyke could get into trouble.

“Hello son, are your parents home?” a hauntingly familiar voice came from the front hall. 

Bucky's heart skipped a beat; it couldn't be, he had died seventy years ago. Coming around the corner, he had to stop when he saw the blond man standing in the doorway. “S-Steve?”

“Yes, grandpa?” the small, dark haired child asked, turning around.

The man looked at him, recognition on his face. “Bucky…”

“They said you were dead,” Bucky couldn't help but say before remembering the child still present. “Go tell your grandma to set another place at the table; we have an unexpected guest.” The child sped out of the room to complete his request. “Come in, you have some explaining to do, punk.” Steve entered, reaching out for a handshake. Bucky took the offered hand, but pulled him into a hug instead.

“They said the same about you. It's why I took the plane down.”

“You haven't aged a day since I last saw you.”

“I was frozen in ice and just recently got thawed out.”

Millie walked into the hall as they embraced, having discretely stayed out of sight as they talked, not quite believing what she had overheard. “Who's your friend, dad?”

Bucky let go, turning to look at his daughter. “Millie, this is Steve Rogers. Steve, my daughter Millie. The rugrat was my great-grandson Steven.”

Shaking her head in disbelief, Millie quickly came over to embrace him herself. “My god, you're alive! I always thought you were my guardian angel. You gave me so much strength over the years and I actually get to meet you. I never thought...” She let go of him. “Come in, dinner’s ready, we can talk there.”

Bucky could only smile as he watched his best friend being led away by his daughter, knowing that now he was here, it would be difficult to get him to leave. He wished Peggy and Becca could have seen this day, but he was glad to have his friend back, taking his rightful place as part of his family again.

**Author's Note:**

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